Friday, November 25, 2011

The Dream I Had Last Night

I had a startling dream last night. My current boss was in it and she was being strangely nice to me. That should have been the first sign that something was amiss. But she wasn't my boss from work or anything like that, I think she was an English teacher or some such thing. (Which is absolutely ridiculous, because English is her second language.) Anyway. Some friend of mine had given her an outline or something of a novel of mine and she came up to me and said "You don't need to stay all of class. Each day you can come in, do one paper, and then leave to work on your novel." So I was pretty excited. She then said "Oh. I doubt you could write a novel anyway." And I looked at her and said "I have written a novel and I have several in the works right now." She gave me this condescending look and said "Oh. I meant you could never write a good novel." and scoffed at me.

Instead of disappointing me, it made me even more determined to write some timeless, brilliant novel. Here's hoping. 

Tuesday, November 15, 2011

Farewell NaNoWriMo

It is time for me to stop kidding myself. While I am still a strong believer of NaNoWriMo for others, it is just not for me. I cannot focus solely on one novel. It is not my style. I will end up getting bored of writing one, and writing another 2,000 words on another novel. Maybe even a few on another. 

There is no doubt that I will write 50,000 words during the month of November, but it will not be on one single novel. 
The months started off with lots of hours at work and being really sick. I still have the remnants of the mutant cold. Long story short. I'm out. Done. Finito. No more NaNo for me. Not now. If there is ever a time in my life when I am only working on one novel and have the time to do so, then, and only then will I attempt it again. 

Like my fiance has been saying lately. If it stops feeling fun and starts to feel like work/or forced, stop until it is fun again.

After all, writing is my passion. If I get to make enough money to live on with my writing, it still wouldn't be work. It is a drive. A love. So I will continue adding to Don't Ask, Don't Tell, Aluria: The Prophecy, and my Alzagnia(working title) and soon I will be getting back to the sequel of Sunny With a Chance of Homicide. So, halfway through I throw in my towel, because a writing exercise/contest isn't worth making my writing strained and feel like work. Good luck to those still faithful to NaNoWriMo. 

November is the month where you make a huge goal, and you end up accomplishing a bunch of other ones. Be it focusing on other works, editing, or something unrelated to writing. Chances are you have accomplished more than you think this November.

Write on.

Monday, November 14, 2011

Night Terror Troubles

Let me preface that this isn't a story, it is exactly what I am experiencing. Maybe if I write as much as I can about the subject, I can finally get some sleep, if only for a little while. 

Tonight, I am forced awake in the middle of the night by a night terror. Not your average, run of the mill nightmare. Basically, think of the most intense nightmare you've ever had. Now, trap yourself in it where you cannot get out. Now add waking up enough to see the room around you, but the dream elements remain. Oh, and you can't move due to sleep paralysis. Sometimes you think you are waking up, but you are forever trapped in the terror. Oh, and a lot of the time there is an intense pressure on your chest, probably sleep apnea, but it is terrifying. 

Most professionals say that the episodes only last about fifteen minutes. I'm not sure, I haven't counted in any way that would make sense. To the sufferer they feel like they last hours. And when you can decipher whether or not it is a dream, it doesn't calm you like you think it would. You are trapped, paralyzed. The only way to break free is to struggle to move, or scream in hopes that someone hears you. But the screams aren't loud. They come out as a muffled whimper. Even knowing it's not real, just a terrible combination of sleep in the wrong cycle and physiological conditions. I never want to sleep again after having my night terrors. Knowing it's a dream isn't enough to lull me back into a potentially terrifying sleep. It does live up to it's name. A night terror can turn the most mundane thing, terrifying. Which doesn't help, because my overactive imagination can do the same thing. 

These started when I was about thirteen and have been plaguing me since. Sometimes they don't show up for a while, and sometimes I have a long string of them in a row. Saturday night I had three. After having one a sense of unrest and dread follows me for the rest of the day. I'm trying to figure out what triggered them all in a row like that. They make it so I get virtually no sleep. 

So I am wondering if my night terrors hooked up with the contents of American Horror Story s01e06, because it was a heavily ghost ridden terror. But I couldn't see them. You had to wear this mask. If I were the tiniest bit artistically inclined, I would try to sketch them. But unfortunately, if I tried, they would just look like a penis. So, I will try to use my sleep-deprived words.

Let me preface this by saying that any person, place, or thing can become the object of a night terror. I have fallen through sticky beds, being dragged by some unknown thing. But often people I know become a part of them in a sinister way. This time included my sister and her best friend. They don't flow in the normal way, they are very disjointed and switch topics rapidly. The only constant is fear. Not the good kind where you watch a horror story, the horrible one where you are a horror story. 

Anyway. Let's get right to it. My night terror sister, Ginny, was pointing to people that weren't there and introducing them. Like, she was egging them on to kill me. And I was like there is no one here wtf are you talking about? So these masks appear on their faces(the ones that might look like penises if I drew them) Imagine goggles, like cool Steampunk goggles without all of the trinkets and do dads. Just the basic frame. Maybe not so wide as Steampunk. Maybe steampunkified Aviator goggles. They had green lenses and a long, white, almost paper mache noses. Imagine a sinister Pinnochio with green eyes and an unrelenting long nose. Don't ask me why, but in the terror they were terrifying.  

I am trying to write myself into an exhausted state, one where I have no choice but fall asleep. Because right now it is really hard for me to elect to go to sleep. I know I need to, but I need another night terror even less than I need sleep. And then there is another issue: when I feel like I am going to have a normal nightmare, or suspect I might end up having a night terror, I find something scary in everything. EVERYTHING. I can think of puppies, bunnies, money, love, kittens. I turn each and every last one into the most terrifying thing I can think of. I always have. It's like a severe form of reverse psychology. All I want are good thoughts before bed, all I get are bad ones.

I have no clue if any of you are following this. Hell, I don't even know if I am coherent. I am so tired that I cannot see straight. And the things is night terrors are SUPER common. Especially in adults. And no one knows what you mean unless they've had one. And I've met ONE person with them. Do any of my followers have night terrors? If so, what aspect is the most terrifying to you?

Sunday, November 6, 2011

NaNoWriMo Day 6: Still Behind

Some sort of sick was determined to wreak havoc on me and I am finally seeing the light at the end of the tunnel. Honestly I was ready to scrap NaNo. Too much time spent sick or at work with no impetus to write. But my Saturday muse saved the day. For some reason on Saturdays and Sundays I write prolifically. Don't ask me why, I'll take it whenever my muse has time out of its busy schedule. Who knows who else it works for. Or perhaps it takes some temp jobs. Anyhow, I am happy when it visits. My muse saved NaNoWriMo, and while I am not even close to caught up, I have momentum. 

Here is an excerpt from Alzagnia(Working Title) my NaNo novel.

“When can my parents and Johnny come to Alzania? Won’t they be here in time for my coronation?” 

“I’m sorry Tarek, Alzagnia is no place for outsiders.”

“But Johnny is my best friend, and they’re my parents!” I pleaded.

“It wouldn't be safe for them here. Lazaar would put them in danger, not to mention we don’t want the outside world to even know about us. They would not understand our ways or the creatures that call Alzagnia home.”

Wait. So I was going to be king but I couldn’t even see my friends of family. This was not fair. And aside from blood, I was an outsider.

“I am an outsider.” I said bluntly to the woman who gave birth to me. I still wasn’t sure what to call her. 

“No. Alzagnia knows you.” She sounded serious, but to me she just sounded ridiculous. How the hell could a country, or a kingdom know me? 

“Places can’t know people. People know people.” I said, imagining Alzagnia personally welcoming me home and congratulating me on my coronation.

“Alzagnia is not like the land you grew up in. When you are coronated  tomorrow, you will have the full support of Alzagnia behind your reign. Not just the people of Alzagnia are loyal, so too are the creatures. If a creature is pure and true to the land, they will fight for you. The pulse beats strong in Alzagnia, Tarek. And starting tomorrow, it will beat for you.” Her face was still serious, but it was also something else. Pride. I wasn’t sure if she was proud of me or if she was proud of Alzagnia. 

Blog Savvy

Those are not two words that would describe me at the moment. For some reason my brain is not connecting with anything computer related. Honestly, I am ready to quit typing up what I wrote today in fear that my laptop will explode. Yeah, it's been that kind of day. 

I am just a writer. I need someone for my tech stuff. Lol. I am right brained, right brained!

The Liebster Blog Award

So, I got this awesome blog award.  The Liebster Blog Award is granted by readers to their favorite up-and-coming bloggers with under 200 followers.  And somehow my blog was nominated by not one, but two crazy cool authors. 

I was first nominated by the awesome Jessica McHugh, and had she not nominated me, she would have been one of my choices. Jessica's Blog You can find out more about her at Here

One day later I was also nominated by Joseph T. J Eastwood. I always check in to see his writing tips, poetry, or updates on his current works. See his blog here.

The rules of accepting and receiving The Liebster Blog Award are:
1. Thank your Liebster Blog Award presenter on your blog. 
2. Link back to the blogger who awarded you.
3. Copy & Paste the blog award on your blog.
4. Reveal your 5 blog picks.
5. Let them know you choose them by leaving a comment on their blog.

Now for the tough part. Picking only five blogs from the phenomenal blogs that are in my dashboard. I hope you all follow these amazing blogs, after all...that is the point of this. Showing our appreciation to blogs under 200 followers. is another blog by Joseph Eastwood and is full of supernatural goodies. is a great blog by Garden Summerland. Rainy Day Dreamer Blog The awesome blog by Sarah Davis

and finally Not an author blog, but one I enjoy nonetheless. A lot of cats and pictures get reposted, but there are also legitimate posts. 

Wednesday, November 2, 2011

Review of Razor by Rue Volley: Warning Adult Content

Let’s just assume that anyone reading my review of Rue Volley’s erotic piece, Razor, is okay with profanity. That being said, let’s get to it.

We find Lilah in a club looking for a good fuck to help her forget her dead lover, Rin. She just wants a good lay and there is nothing  saccharine about it. She is on a purely carnal mission. 

Unsatisfied, she leaves and shortly we are introduced to her best friend and one time lover. The search for blood and pain, Lilah’s ultimate orgasmic combination, lead them to an old haunt-- Razor, an exclusive fetish club that pushes the boundaries of pleasure and pain. 

I don’t want to give too much away, so let me say this. Grab a copy and you will not be disappointed. That is, if you love reading something dark, twisted, and sexually charged. And who doesn’t like that? 

The ending is a complete mind fuck and it leaves you wanting more. I will anxiously submit myself to the sequel. 

Tuesday, November 1, 2011

NaNoWriMo: Day One Part One

At around one a.m. I started my NaNoWriMo novel. I have about 1,000 words thus far, and am forcing myself to stay up until I reach that magic 1666 words. I am only 300 words away from that goal now. I will post this entry as soon as I reach my goal. Then it's bedtime for me. I am up about 5 hours past my normal sleepy time. But that's what this whole experience is about. Ridiculous time related goals and pushing yourself to get things done. Now to write 300 words, should be easy. Writing near midnight almost gives another day, as I will be attempting another 1666 words when I wake up. 200 words to go. I did it. This is going to be a long, sleep-deprived month. It's 4 a.m. and I think it's definitely time to sleep.