Monday, November 14, 2011
Night Terror Troubles
Let me preface that this isn't a story, it is exactly what I am experiencing. Maybe if I write as much as I can about the subject, I can finally get some sleep, if only for a little while.
Tonight, I am forced awake in the middle of the night by a night terror. Not your average, run of the mill nightmare. Basically, think of the most intense nightmare you've ever had. Now, trap yourself in it where you cannot get out. Now add waking up enough to see the room around you, but the dream elements remain. Oh, and you can't move due to sleep paralysis. Sometimes you think you are waking up, but you are forever trapped in the terror. Oh, and a lot of the time there is an intense pressure on your chest, probably sleep apnea, but it is terrifying.
Most professionals say that the episodes only last about fifteen minutes. I'm not sure, I haven't counted in any way that would make sense. To the sufferer they feel like they last hours. And when you can decipher whether or not it is a dream, it doesn't calm you like you think it would. You are trapped, paralyzed. The only way to break free is to struggle to move, or scream in hopes that someone hears you. But the screams aren't loud. They come out as a muffled whimper. Even knowing it's not real, just a terrible combination of sleep in the wrong cycle and physiological conditions. I never want to sleep again after having my night terrors. Knowing it's a dream isn't enough to lull me back into a potentially terrifying sleep. It does live up to it's name. A night terror can turn the most mundane thing, terrifying. Which doesn't help, because my overactive imagination can do the same thing.
These started when I was about thirteen and have been plaguing me since. Sometimes they don't show up for a while, and sometimes I have a long string of them in a row. Saturday night I had three. After having one a sense of unrest and dread follows me for the rest of the day. I'm trying to figure out what triggered them all in a row like that. They make it so I get virtually no sleep.
So I am wondering if my night terrors hooked up with the contents of American Horror Story s01e06, because it was a heavily ghost ridden terror. But I couldn't see them. You had to wear this mask. If I were the tiniest bit artistically inclined, I would try to sketch them. But unfortunately, if I tried, they would just look like a penis. So, I will try to use my sleep-deprived words.
Let me preface this by saying that any person, place, or thing can become the object of a night terror. I have fallen through sticky beds, being dragged by some unknown thing. But often people I know become a part of them in a sinister way. This time included my sister and her best friend. They don't flow in the normal way, they are very disjointed and switch topics rapidly. The only constant is fear. Not the good kind where you watch a horror story, the horrible one where you are a horror story.
Anyway. Let's get right to it. My night terror sister, Ginny, was pointing to people that weren't there and introducing them. Like, she was egging them on to kill me. And I was like there is no one here wtf are you talking about? So these masks appear on their faces(the ones that might look like penises if I drew them) Imagine goggles, like cool Steampunk goggles without all of the trinkets and do dads. Just the basic frame. Maybe not so wide as Steampunk. Maybe steampunkified Aviator goggles. They had green lenses and a long, white, almost paper mache noses. Imagine a sinister Pinnochio with green eyes and an unrelenting long nose. Don't ask me why, but in the terror they were terrifying.
I am trying to write myself into an exhausted state, one where I have no choice but fall asleep. Because right now it is really hard for me to elect to go to sleep. I know I need to, but I need another night terror even less than I need sleep. And then there is another issue: when I feel like I am going to have a normal nightmare, or suspect I might end up having a night terror, I find something scary in everything. EVERYTHING. I can think of puppies, bunnies, money, love, kittens. I turn each and every last one into the most terrifying thing I can think of. I always have. It's like a severe form of reverse psychology. All I want are good thoughts before bed, all I get are bad ones.
I have no clue if any of you are following this. Hell, I don't even know if I am coherent. I am so tired that I cannot see straight. And the things is night terrors are SUPER common. Especially in adults. And no one knows what you mean unless they've had one. And I've met ONE person with them. Do any of my followers have night terrors? If so, what aspect is the most terrifying to you?